Friday, September 7, 2018

The Gender Catch

I wrote this post before I found out we were having a girl, but reading back on it now I still stand by it all.  There's just something a little sad about knowing which gender you won't be having during a pregnancy.

See the source imageEven before I became pregnant, Will and I often talked about our future children and what gender we'd prefer our firstborn be.  Now, of course I'm so blessed to be bringing a child into this world and I will be happy with either gender no matter what.  That being said, I think it's perfectly human to prefer one gender over the other.  Will and I both have the same slight preferance for our first child, but it's easy to see that there are pros and cons to either one.

With a boy, Will could have a golfing buddy. Boys tend to be more resilient, yet destructive. In a way it does seem like they're easier to raise during the early years. They are less likely to absorb the nuances of a situation the way a girl does. And they say there's no relationship like that of a mother and her son.

However, the cons with a son come later in life.  As the saying goes, "A son is a son until he gets a wife; a daughter is a daughter for life". From my own experiences I do believe that to be true.  I know men who still dote on their parents, but they're not the natural caregivers for aging parents that daughters are.

With a daughter, you have a built-in doll.  There are so many precious outfits and accessories for little girls these days, and they seem to have so much fun enjoying the "finer things" of life even from a very young age. But girls are highly maleable, and are often products of their environments.  Women are so much more likely to retain information and baggage from their experiences, which creates a more challenging upbringing. 

Not to mention the fact that girls are more likely to be catty and vicious with one another once they reach middle school.  Boys may be more prone to physical fights, but the more damaging emotional and verbal exchanges often happen with females. Teenage girls also seem to be more prone to dramatic tantrums, while boys are self-taught to repress their frustrations. Later in a girl's life, when she's busy planning a wedding or giving birth to her first child, she's much more likely to involve her mother in these experiences than a male would with his mother.

Even if we do end up with the gender we prefer, there are some characteristics of the other gender that I'd mourn.  Hearing the results of the gender test almost put to bed a whole litany of "what-ifs" that we pregnant women run through on a daily basis.  "If it's a girl, we'll get to decorate the nursery in pastels" or "If it's a boy, we'll have to buy him a little plastic golf bag to match my husband's". When the knowledge bubbles up to the surface, you're able to move forward with certainty, but there's always going to be that one part of you that mourns what you don't have.

Either way, that's not to say that I won't have a child of the opposite gender in the years to come.  But there's something innately special about that firstborn, that first child that teaches you how to be a parent. We'll be perfectly happy with a healthy child, no matter the gender.  And it's totally okay to have a moment of sadness for the gender that never was..

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